Friday, May 29, 2009

Jon and Kate - Can This Marriage Be Saved?



The number of viewers of the TV show “Jon and Kate- Plus Eight,” doubled this week. It is no wonder, since tons of media attention has focused on this reality TV family as they begin their fifth season on TLC (The Learning Channel). In case you don’t know, Jon and Kate Gosselin had a set of twins and later sextuplets. The show is about the daily struggles of this young couple as they face the challenge of rearing their children. The reason for all of the extra interest is that rumors of the couple’s marriage being on the rocks have been confirmed. Details vary, but many sources say the troubles include infidelity. Most recent reports say that TLC has pressed them to get counseling if their contract is to be extended.
Our purpose here is not to get involved in the details of such, but rather to remind us of what is involved in marriage and child rearing and to think about how to save a marriage.
First, let’s be reminded that God meant for a marriage to be permanent. Jesus was very clear in Matt. 19:6 when he said, “what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Troubled marriages can and should be saved. Recent times have shown that many are quick to give up, often going from one marriage right into another, only to find the same problems repeated over and over again. A few suggestions for solving your problems are:
1. Quickly give attention to trying to solve difficulties privately. The problem should not be aired on TV, Radio, Facebook, My Space, or in your circle of friends, even in your family. Usually, the more private a problem remains, the easier it is to solve.
2. Couples trying to solve their problems should do so prayerfully, carefully, lovingly, and unselfishly. Christian kindness, patience and other virtues are very necessary here. Problems are never solved by seeing who can out-shout, out-glare or stare, and out-mean the other.
3. Look to God’s word for guidance. There is great value in asking oneself, “What Christian principles apply to my situation?” This is of greater importance that saving face, preserving pride, or guarding position.
4. Use a great deal of introspection, instead of inspection. In other words, look at yourself first. If you are only 10 percent of the problem, try to fix that part first, before working on your mate. Remember what Jesus said, “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matt 7:3-ESV).
5. If you cannot quickly solve the problem between the two of you, seek help from a trusted advisor. Sadly, some call a divorce lawyer before seeking spiritual counsel. An elder or preacher, a Christian counselor, or a trusted older Christian with marital experience will likely be the best source of help. It may be best not to use your Mom or Dad, or a close friend at this point. Sometimes people very close to you have a hard time looking at situations objectively. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. These people will want to help and will keep your problem confidential.
6. Realize that all marriages of any length have some rough spots. If only those marriage lasted that were perfect, none would survive.
7. Do not ignore problems, but try not to blow them out of proportion. Don’t focus on a problem exclusively and failing to take into consideration other good points of your marriage. It is wise to make a list of the positives so you can keep your perspective and not be too negative. Are you seeing the half empty part of the glass and ignoring the half full part?
8. Anger makes problems larger. So does speaking hurtful words that you may later regret saying. It may be a good idea to put write down your problem and what you want to say to your spouse. Read it a few times and ask yourself how you would feel about it if you were in their shoes.
9. Do consider your children. In hearing about Jon and Kate the last few days, I have wondered about the “Plus eight.” Have they been forgotten? They are the ones who will suffer most if this marriage fails. Children should never be brought into problems for leverage, and their interest should come first. Remember, no matter what the outcome of your marriage, your children’s father or mother will always be your children’s father or mother. You can best teach your child to respect their parent, by setting a good example
10. Pay primary attention to your faith during this time. Sadly, some Christians begin to neglect worship attendance, Bible reading, and prayer during stressful times. They limit association with Christian friends and those that could best help them. The church is not a place for perfect people, but people that are trying to grow in Christ. He should always be, not only our focus, but our life. Paul said, “For me to live is Christ.”(Php. 1:21). Put him first now and always.

“And they lived happily ever after” is a phrase often used in fairy tales and seen as something magical that many marriages are blessed with. There is no “marital magic,” but there can be success and happiness if we are willing to work and sacrifice to make it happen. David Courington

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:49 PM

    Wow! Thanks David. I hope one day, Lord willing, I can find someone that will share those same Christian principals as me. It's scary to think that there might not be.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Why would anybody say it that way, you can easily get your point across in a polite and courteous way. Lets all just get a long.
    =======================================
    wow gold

    ReplyDelete